The below is from the May issue of Philadelphia magazine.
How to Survive a Fall into the Schuylkill
1. Swim to the closest bank and climb out. Proceed to Step 3.
2. If you're unable to swim, scream for help, and offer the following instructions to anyone who jumps in to save you:
3. Rinse vigorously once back on dry land. The river plays host to a wide range of pollutants and nasty microorganisms; cross your fingers you didn't swallow much water while thrashing.
4. If you develop a fever, vomiting, or any other unpleasant symptoms - or if, God forbid, you cut your foot on submerged debris - call your doctor immediately.
5. (Optional) Burn your clothes.
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