Child Beauty Pageant Buffoonery

My favorite lines:

A stick horse...it's a lot different because you have to do all the work and I think it's going to be a lot more tiring...than with a real horse.

Kylie Felter

I agree Kylie. It is much more work for you to skip and canter around the cones on your own legs. I hope you will be kinder to horses now that you've trotted a mile in their hooves. (And may I suggest you respectfully ask your parents to sit out any future competitions that are canceled due to horse herpes.)

If you happen to have a problem like this later in life you already have the experience of riding a stick horse!

Savanna Steed

Savanna, may you never have this problem again. I pray the solution to your future problems will never, ever, be riding around in a glittery outfit on a stick horse. (Also, with your last name, it would be sweet poetic justice if you ended up the winner.)

Let me make it clear, I think the girls made the best of the situation. My issue is with the parents and officials who thought this was an appropriate plan B. Testing their poise and adaptability?! More like lazy planning. Seriously, were there no other horses in the entire state of Utah available for this junior queen competition?! It's cowboy country out there! Surely there were some ponies or donkeys or mules or big-boned sheep or obese dogs that could have stood in as substitutes.

I'm not sure whether I should admire or be disturbed by everyone's ability to keep a straight face through that entire news segment.
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