Creative and Witty Blog Heading

I want this kid's attitude

2011-07-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

Above is Nemanja Vidic with a cute, chubby, awesome Asian kid. I want to walk through life with the energy and fierceness of that little boy. I already have the Asian and chubby part down, now it's time for me to work on the awesome factor. Below is a little clip of him in action.

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Child Beauty Pageant Buffoonery

2011-05-31T14:59:00.000-07:00

My favorite lines:

A stick horse...it's a lot different because you have to do all the work and I think it's going to be a lot more tiring...than with a real horse.

Kylie Felter

I agree Kylie. It is much more work for you to skip and canter around the cones on your own legs. I hope you will be kinder to horses now that you've trotted a mile in their hooves. (And may I suggest you respectfully ask your parents to sit out any future competitions that are canceled due to horse herpes.)

If you happen to have a problem like this later in life you already have the experience of riding a stick horse!

Savanna Steed

Savanna, may you never have this problem again. I pray the solution to your future problems will never, ever, be riding around in a glittery outfit on a stick horse. (Also, with your last name, it would be sweet poetic justice if you ended up the winner.)

Let me make it clear, I think the girls made the best of the situation. My issue is with the parents and officials who thought this was an appropriate plan B. Testing their poise and adaptability?! More like lazy planning. Seriously, were there no other horses in the entire state of Utah available for this junior queen competition?! It's cowboy country out there! Surely there were some ponies or donkeys or mules or big-boned sheep or obese dogs that could have stood in as substitutes.

I'm not sure whether I should admire or be disturbed by everyone's ability to keep a straight face through that entire news segment.
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Lyrics

2011-03-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

This is how you can ensure I will not read your tweets, facebook status updates, or blog posts - simply post song lyrics. Snore. Boring. And yet, I'm about to engage in a little hypocrisy and post some lines from a song.

From this one place I can't see very far
In this one moment I'm square in the dark
These are the things I will trust in my heart
You can see something else
Something else

Sara Groves, From This One Moment

Remembering that God knows what my next steps are

Remembering that He sees me specifically

Remembering that He is good

Twenty eight is not quite looking like I expected. In the midst of my uncertain outlook, I will trust in my heart that He can see something else. And that His something else is better than my something else.
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Hire These Guys

2011-03-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

...the next time you need to keep order and establish peace.

HT: Tastefully Offensive
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Two of My Loves

2011-02-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

I can make it pretty far in life if I have the below

HT: Tastefully Offensive

A Love Song for Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T16:08:00.000-08:00

Axis of Awesome tell you how to write a love song. Occasional foul language, so keep younger ears away.

The Axis of Awesome: How to Write a Love Song - watch more funny videos

HT: The Daily What

Pets and Practicality

2011-02-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

My sister and I begged for a pet dog through most of our childhood. We were denied each time. I think perhaps my mom would have caved in eventually if we had asked for a cat instead, but my father was resolute and immovable. He had no problem letting us cry in pet stores, making fools of ourselves as we left the mall weeping. They didn't believe we would care for it adequately, and they're right. When people throw up I run the other way, so I am certainly not going to comfort a dog during a distressing digestive episode.

In a small moment of sympathy, or more likely snarky humor, my dad instead bought me an encyclopedia about canines and a ceramic dog that he placed outside the the front door of our home. Foolish, foolish idea on his part. I read the whole thing several times. I was now armed with stories of dogs throughout history that loyally stood by their masters, even dying for them. I studied all the various breeds, trying to decide objectively which would be the best fit for our family. I even read all the sections on specific training tips and was certain I could have any dog following my commands within a day or so. How could he say no now? No longer was I simply a crying kid, but I was now armed with facts and logic.

He still did not buy us a dog.

What made this even worse was that fact that both my parents grew up with several dogs! And cats! And birds, goats, and chickens! That's how they roll back in the motherland. The hypocrisy made me want to cry! And so I did. He still didn't budge.

Now my dad is not some cold, animal-hating, PETA-bashing guy, but he takes a much more practical view when it comes to pets. The dogs he had in India, while loved and well cared for, had a job. These dogs were there to protect the family home and to bite any crazies that may make it past the gates. And trust me, there were crazies. These dogs stayed outside and had plenty of land to run around. While today pets are often treated as luxury items, they were an essential form of income and protection to many families of prior generations.

In fact, I realized that my dad respects dogs much more than I do. He thinks they should be able to run around. He thinks they should bark, as it shows spirit and serves as a warning to intruders. His dogs had roles to play, and thus were not lazy or spoiled. And to him, if dogs could not have the freedom to be dogs because of lack of space or noise-sensitive neighbors, it would be cruel to bring one into the family. And you know what, I think dogs want to be useful and treated like an animal, not a child. Have you seen those dogs that women carry around in expensive bags? Their eyes cry out for rescue. You can sense they feel shame at being treated like a toy. Dogs, even small dogs, can serve a practical purpose.

Has a pug ever stood prouder?

In the end we never did get a dog. I guess my dad was looking out for them. My sister managed to whine often enough and loudly enough to score a few hamsters that she sometimes walked around the neighborhood. And that ceramic dog, it still sits outside their front door, protecting them from intruders.
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British Justice

2011-01-25T16:14:00.000-08:00

Many years ago I used to watch Law & Order. This was when they produced only one version of the show, so many, many moons ago. Since then, plenty of spin-offs have joined the original show, including Special Victims Unit. I soon stopped watching because the shows were starting to feel too intense and frightening. I have a pretty overactive imagination to begin with, and I didn't need the shows adding to my paranoia (this is also why I could never watch Rescue 911 or Unsolved Mysteries).

It's been years since I've watched an episode, and I haven't missed it at all. But then they go ahead and create a British version of the show! I have such a soft spot for British accents and the promo below is witty.

Will they win me back?

Starbucks Supersized

2011-01-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

So the new Trenta-sized beverages at Starbucks are more than your stomach can probably handle, at least in one shot. Seriously America, why do you want that much coffee in your system!!! Do you hate your bladder? You'll have to work all day from the porcelain throne! Be kind to your stomach. Don't buy this unless you plan to nurse it for a week or you plan on splitting it between five coworkers.

via: The Daily What
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Chinese / Malaysian Puppy Love

2011-01-06T20:04:00.000-08:00

This is just about the cutest anti-racism ad ever

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Health Tip for the New Year

2010-12-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

You may want to check with your doctor before following the below regimen

HT: Tastefully Offensive
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Christmas Connection

2010-12-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

There is a special bond between Jewish Americans and Chinese restaurants at Christmas time.

Go read the thank you note.
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Conflicting Emotions

2010-12-11T18:35:00.000-08:00

I love when no one sits next to me on the train. More space for me and my stuff! My bag doesn't have to touch the nasty floor and I don't have to worry about being squished up against the window if a large man plops himself down.

But...

Then I start to wonder why no one sat next to me. I mean, I smell good, and at 5'2, if they choose my row, they would have a decent bit of space to stretch out. I feel like a kid getting picked last for the team.

Don't sit next to me! Please sit next to me!
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Adult Onesie

2010-11-09T14:55:00.000-08:00

My parents recently returned from a missions trip to India, so I decided to call and see how they were recovering from jet lag. My dad picks up and we proceed to shoot the breeze for a few minutes. I can hear my sister in the background, so I ask him how she is doing. I expect a casual response, along the lines of, "She's fine" or "She just got back from work." Instead this is what he tells me...

Dad: She is showing me her onesie.
Me: A onesie??!!
Dad: She is wearing it. All she needs now is a diaper.

I made this phone call while walking through the Macy's on my way home from work. So now I am walking through the store, past the men buying shoes and boxers, laughing hysterically at the thought of my little sister in a onesie.

I proceed to shoot her a text.

Me: Seriously Sheryl, a onesie??
Sheryl: It's an "adult sleeper." Yes, and it is nice and warm and comfy.
Me: What color?
Sheryl: Black

I'm thinking to myself, "That's not so bad. It's like a jumpsuit. Those are kind of in right now." A few seconds go by and then another text comes in...

Sheryl: With penguins on it

The blogger in me immediately wants to get home and write about it. The kind sister in me decides not to as I don't want to embarrass her before the world wide webs.

Me: I really wish u would let me blog about it, but I am guessing u won't
Sheryl: I don't care if u blog about it, I like my sleeper!

Notice how she keeps calling it a "sleeper?" It almost tricks you into thinking it is normal. Almost...

Me: Props for not being ashamed
Sheryl: Goodness, what's there to be ashamed about!? I even wore it to the Halloween party.

She wore it in public! In PUBLIC!! My 5'8, twenty-four year old sister, who teaches at the university level, wore a black onesie decorated with penguins out in public. Granted, it was Halloween, but still!

She then asks if I am ashamed of her, and I can honestly say that I am not ashamed. I tell her that I actually admire her bravery.

Sheryl: Seriously, what's so brave about adult footies...They're long, warm, and great for the end of the year. I'm telling u, one has not lived till they purchase one...

I have a strange feeling she is going to buy me one for Christmas...

Envy

2010-11-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

...is more than simply wanting what belongs to others. It often goes to the extreme of wanting "x" to be taken away from them.

...in my heart means I functionally believe that God is not good to me, though I may say so with my lips.

...is ugly

...destroys friendships or hinders them from beginning in the first place

...leads to murder, certainly in the heart, sometimes also by our hands

Envy never produces more trust in God or more active love for others. Envy is vertically dissatisfied and horizontally discompassionate.

Paul Tripp

Utter Folly

2010-10-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, it's kind of cute. Big killer cat nuzzling up to his rescuer. But seriously people, we need to stop trying to cuddle with creatures that are capable of biting our heads off with one chomp. Lions (and tigers and bears, oh my!) are not our friends! They will kill you. It's not their fault. Stop this foolishness. He was probably sniffing her to see whether he wanted to eat her!

Does no one remember Siegfried and Roy??
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Sunday Quote

2010-10-24T10:59:00.000-07:00

Thankful for pastors who approach Sunday with prayer, preparation, and humility.

We are dealing with God's thoughts: we are obligated to take the greatest pains to understand them truly and to explain them clearly.

— D.A. Carson

Donkey vs Elephant

2010-10-19T16:09:00.001-07:00

I am not a registered republican. I am not a registered democrat. I'm thinking about joining this guy's political party.

HT: to the blog that makes me aware of all the fun videos, 22 Words
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In Fourteen Hundred Ninety-Two...

2010-10-11T17:42:00.000-07:00

This morning, like every Monday morning, I gathered together the trash from my apartment, tied the bag securely shut, and marched down the three flights of stairs to place it on the curb. My inner monologue upon exiting the house:

Why does no one else have their trash out? Did the truck already swing by? That can't be - it's not even 8am. Hmmm....Oh wait...It's Columbus Day.

I proceeded to march right back up the three flights of stairs.

After work I hopped on the subway to commute home. It was an unusually warm day and I found myself with a longer than normal wait. My inner monologue:

Where is the train? I don't even see the light at the end of the tunnel from the next approaching one. (plays with iPhone, plays with iPhone) Finally! Hmmm...how come this train isn't crowded? How come the body odor is at a tolerable level? Oh wait...it's Columbus Day.

Then I marched on home, marched up the three flights of stairs (for the 2nd time), and because I am a gourmand, made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. I decided to fight the Monday evening sluggishness by checking out a new class in my neighborhood. I walked down the street and stopped outside the building. My inner monologue:

Hmmm...how come the lights aren't on? Is the entrance around the back? Is this the right address?? Is this the right time? Am I losing it?? Oh wait...it's Columbus Day

I then marched on home, and for the third time today, marched up the three flights of stairs.

Thank you Christopher Columbus.
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Friday Smile - featuring Rick Steves

2010-09-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

On encouraging the use of moneybelts to secure your cash and other important documents while traveling abroad:

With a money belt, all your essential documents are on you as securely and thoughtlessly as your underpants. Have you ever thought about that? Every morning you put on your underpants. You don't even think about them all day long. And every night when you undress, sure enough, there they are, exactly where you put them.

He's right. My underpants are always there at the end of the day.
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I obviously need a new map

2010-09-27T18:00:00.001-07:00

Saturday Smile

2010-09-25T07:06:00.001-07:00

Another crime has been thwarted! Another witness gives an entertaining account!

And if you want to see it set to music...

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Babies Eating Lemons

2010-09-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

Doing the lazy blogger cop-out routine by posting a video.

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Monday Quote

2010-09-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, right now, Anne Geddes is wrapping an overweight infant in something soft and off-white

Bryan Allain

It's nice to start off the week with a chuckle.

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He's not going to win many votes...

2010-08-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have to hand it to the anchor lady for keeping her composure.

This awkward little nugget was brought to you via 22 Words.

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You know it's a Monday when...

2010-08-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

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1. You forget to bring the lunch that you cooked and packed up the night before

2. You and three other people wait for the elevator for a good two minutes before realizing none of you have actually hit the button

Have you ever had any Monday struggles?

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Animated Conversation Between Spouses

2010-08-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

Very sweet

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

HT: 22 Words

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Don't Be Rude

2010-08-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

Jonathan Acuff, encouraging wise Twitter usage:

When you write a rude tweet to tell someone they were rude, you create such a forcefield of irony it makes Alanis Morissette’s teeth hurt

He's got plenty of other helpful tips on not behaving moronically when tweeting.

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Proposal Didn't Quite Go As Planned

2010-08-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

A Philadelphia Health Clinic Review

2010-08-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

I'm an insured American with an uninsured American's habits. I do not go to the doctor. In fact, the last primary physician I had was a pediatrician, my last dentist wore a clown's outfit (Brushyland!) and I've never even stepped foot inside a gynecology office. Do not emulate my behavior. It's silly that money has left my paycheck for years towards medical and dental and I haven't even had a basic physical. Who knows what kids of crazy diseases are floating around my system?!

All this to say, it takes a lot for me to even consider going to a medical professional. Last week as I was getting into bed, something flew into my eye. Rubbing it furiously did not help and neither did water, eye drops, eye washes, and other various tricks the internet suggested. I tried to ignore it for a few days in the hopes that it would fall out on it's own, but it became evident it would not shift and my hands would not be deft or steady enough to remove it.

But of course, I have no doctor and since I was in no pain, didn't feel like dealing with the hassle of an emergency room. So I trucked it over to the Drexel University Walk-In Clinic at 17th and Chestnut in Center City Philadelphia. The facilities were clean, well lit, and in a very convenient location. And that is where the positives end, sadly.

I explained that I was in no pain, but that I was unable to get the particle out of the eye on my own accord. I figured they would skillfully apply some drops and I would skip merrily along my way. However, they did not even bother looking at it! How difficult would it have been to shine a light at my eyeball or drop some Visine in there with ninja-like precision?

I grade you an F. I'm sorry that I cut into your internet surfing time.

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Shameless Plug, Part Dos

2010-07-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

Over a year ago I wrote a blog post as a shameless plug for a good friend starting on a new adventure. She and her husband were getting ready to leave Philadelphia for Los Angeles, and on top of the stress of a cross-country move, she also decided to pursue her love of photography.

It looks like it paid off, because La Belle Bride recently featured some of her work! Congrats Elizabeth Kitchens!

You might as well follow her blog.
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Calling People Out

2010-07-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

Tyler Stanton is calling people out on their ridiculous statements. His take on the latest Apple hoopla:

Steve Jobs – “We can’t make enough bumpers. No way we can make enough in the quarter.”

Let me get this straight. You have the ability to produce 3 million of the most sophisticated mobile devices of all time for the first three weeks of sales, but there’s “no way” you can make enough rubber cases in an entire quarter? Aren’t there machines that can churn out a quarter million by lunch today? Do we need to get the Livestrong people on this?

Two other celebrities get reamed out. Read here.

Philadelphia Union vs Manchester United

2010-07-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

They’ll score while you pee!

- Young woman at the soccer game last night convincing a friend to postpone a bathroom run

On Wednesday night the Philadelphia Union played a friendly against Manchester United. It was the first time I attended a soccer match and it was such an enjoyable time that I can’t wait to make it out to another one. Philly is a football town, definitely not a futbol town, but there was enough interest to hold the game at Lincoln Financial Field, the stadium our Eagles call home.

Some observation from the night and suggestions:

1. Americans need to work on their cheers. The two chants Union fans consistently raised up were “U.S.A.” and “Phi-la-delphia, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.” Then one fan was hit with a burst of creativity and offered up, “Man U Sucks!” The Man Utd fans managed to come up with full songs! Who cares if you couldn’t understand a word, you have to admire that commitment. My suggestion to the Philadelphia Union organization and support groups is to take the music and beat from the Fresh Prince of Belair theme song and revamp the lyrics. It would be EPIC! If you pay me some cash monies I would be willing to take a stab at it.

2. Shoot free stuff into the crowd. People love free stuff.

3. It was really encouraging to see a diverse crowd enjoying the game. I’ve been to hockey games and I certainly … stick out. I get plenty of stares, though not unkind. It’s just that it is rare to spot some caramel or chocolate in the sea of vanilla ice cream that is a hockey stadium. At hockey games I feel very distinct, much like a unicorn must feel. However at the match last night, there was so much color, and I’m not talking only about the jerseys. I love, truly LOVE, when an event brings out people of various ethnic, socio-economic, age, and language backgrounds.

Balding, wrinkled grandpops enjoying the game with their pimply, sullen grandchildren - simply a thing of beauty. The loud Latino Manchester United fan with their arm around the loud white Philadelphia Union fan - how can you not smile at that? Preppies and urbanites, Chinese and Dominican, people rich enough to buy water at the stadium and those that snuck their own in…I only wish more events created an environment where so many different kinds of people interacted.

4. Though they lost, I was impressed by the play of the Philadelphia Union, enough to make me want to attend additional games. I expected the score to be more lopsided, but losing 1-0 is respectable when facing a giant in the sport. And at least we can say our navy kits were much more attractive than the red and white they were rocking.

So if you’re looking for a reasonably affordable sporting event and want to support a local team from its infancy, check out a Philadelphia Union game. You'll have fun watching the game. You'll have fun watching the crowd.

Escalator Etiquette

2010-06-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

I work in an office high-rise in the city. That means at least five days a week I am an escalator rider. This makes me an expert on escalator safety and manners. The below is just a basic guide to help you be less dumb about your behavior on mechanical moving staircases.

1. Refrain from standing in the middle of your step. This makes it difficult for me to pass you. Some of us want to get out of here as soon as possible and your bottom impeding my efforts is not appreciated.

2. Once you step off the escalator, continue your forward progression. For the life of me, I cannot grasp why people step off an escalator and stop dead in their tracks. There are people behind you! Do you enjoy being at the bottom of a human pile-up? And don’t you dare give me the dirty eye if I gently nudge you forward.

3. Tie your shoe laces. Escalators are not kind. They will snag your laces and proceed to eat your shoe and foot without even an ounce of guilt. Don’t be lazy. Don’t be foolish. Tie your dirty laces! Or invest in shoes with Velcro straps.

4. If we both get to the escalator at the same time and you are a man, you should let me on first. If we both get to the escalator at the same time and you are a woman, you should let me on first. If we both get to the escalator at the same time and you are a child, you should let me on first because you probably need to go tie your shoelaces.

5. If you are unable to follow these simple rules (which are for your safety) please take the stairs.

It's time for some Dan Quayle

2010-06-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

Dan Quayle features heavily on this blog. Thanks to the power of the interwebs, I was able to dig up a video of some of his jems. Though the quality is poor, his unintentional humor barrels its way through.

So that's what happened to them...

2010-06-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

HT: Thabiti Anyabwile

World Cup Funny

2010-06-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

In response to the charge that this year’s football team from Brazil lacks the artistry and flair of earlier generations:

They may not be that fancy. But even the most donkey-like Brazilian is a ballerina compared to players in most countries.

Alex Bellos

Bears Admit to Viciousness

2010-06-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

I've warned people about bears before. They are scary! Don't be seduced by the bottle of Coke they offer you!

Now hear the truth from them directly.

This was created by Bryan Allain.

For only $1

2010-06-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of friends that do not live in the city...yet. I'm hoping the Dollar Stroll will convince some of them to pay me a visit more often this summer. Businesses along Baltimore Avenue in West Philly will be selling wares for a buck!

Everything from coffee to tofu skewers to ice cream to introductory yoga classes - just one dollar!

For details on vendors and dates, click here.

Thoughts on Avatar

2010-06-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

I watched Avatar over the weekend. I realize I am months late, but seeing as that I am usually years behind on the latest trends, this is about as "early adopter" as I'll ever be. The below are just a few thoughts that struck me while watching.

1. I wish the blue people had whiter teeth.

2. If a movie requires more than one bathroom break, it is TOO LONG.

3. There was literal tree hugging. Seriously?!

4. Why does James Cameron hate America?

5. Each time Giovanni Ribisi was onscreen, I thought about his character on Friends.

6. I didn't like the blue people or skypeople. Hey Sky People - stop ripping apart the pretty, sparkly forest! Hey Blue People - put on some clothes and stop the creepy tree worship!

Hipster Confessions

2010-05-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

A mid-week smirk for your enjoyment

HT: My favorite mini-blog 22 Words

Who Is Truly Annoying?

2010-05-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

What annoys you most - People who talk loudly on their cellphones or people who get anoyed at those talking loudly on their cells?

For Donald Miller, it is the latter group.

He writes:

Are people who get irritated about public cell-phone use actually the selfish ones?

I think so.

I love using my cell phone in public. I come from Texas so I talk loud. I especially like talking to my doctor about sensitive medical information, spots where I have rashes and that sort of thing. We all have rashes. We all have to talk to our doctors on our cell phones. And sometimes those conversations happen inside of crowded elevators. We are human beings, for crying out loud.

Read the rest here

From Another Blog

2010-04-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

From 22 Words

You'll want to suscribe to his blog. They are always quite short and interesting.

Public Prayer Over Food

2010-04-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

When you are eating in a restaurant alone, do you pray for your food before taking a bite? What about if the meal is shared with other Christians? Let's say you are sharing a meal with friends who aren't followers of Christ, now do you pray? Or maybe your office splurges and caters a lunch with everyone piling into a conference room to eat, now what do you do?

Do you think those around you will feel uncomfortable? Does that in turn make you feel uncomfortable? Is it cause for concern if you feel uncomfortable?

Office Renovation

2010-04-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Several days ago we receive an email at my office informing us that our bathrooms will be undergoing major renovation, taking at least a month. So I have dutifully been trucking it to other parts of our building when nature calls. Then this morning I walk into our kitchen to wash the newspaper ink off my hands and start my day off with a chilled glass of agua, but the faucet doesn't want to give any up. A burst of ingenuity hits me, and I decide to hit up the hot water dispenser, but it too is on sabatical.

This has led to a lot of grumbling on the floor from colleagues, surprise, surprise. But there are easily identifiable bright spots.

1. Weight loss: Cubicle life can often contribute to someone being...squishy. Now soft and squishy are perfectly acceptable adjectives for a teddy bear or marshmallow, not so much for humans, especially if you are an unattached female human. All the additional walking is good for the body and helps give my mind a break.

2. Field Trips: I feel a little like Dora the Explorer - I'm brown, carry a schoolbag, and enjoy going out on adventures to scope out new places in the building that have working faucets and toilets.

3. New interactions: Naturally, all the walking around in the building leads to seeing new faces, which is great for the people-watcher in me. And all the renovations call for lots of construction workers, electricians, engineers. It feels a little like I am observing another people group entirely.

A Stranger's Kindness

2010-04-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

That pigeon took an enema.

- Kind man warning girl to step away from a building at 34th and 8th, lest she receive an unwanted surprise on her head or in her coffee cup

Giving to Caesar

2010-04-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's the same story every year. The calendar speeds along toward April 15th and I put off tax preparation for as long as I can. Uncle Sam and I are playing a game of chicken. Thankfully I lose the game each year, since winning would mean I am a lazy deviant. This is the latest I have ever waited and I am relieved I was still able to secure an appointment on a day and time that works well with my schedule.

That's right, I don't do my own taxes. Almost all of my friends, with careers ranging from engineering to film to domestic divas, do their own taxes. I on the otherhand, armed with my business degree and a career in financial analysis, will be shelling out my monies for someone else to flip through my very basic W2 and fill in the necessary boxes.

Don't judge. Taxes are scary! And I feel an extra measure of comfort knowing I can blame any potential mistake on someone else.

Off to give Caesar his dues!

The Sun Beckons

2010-04-10T07:29:00.001-07:00

HT: LOL Comics

Making $$$, Nicholas Sparks Style

2010-04-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

Click on diagram to enlarge

HT: Paul Tassi and Nneka

Impatience

2010-04-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

I consider myself more patient than the average American. When public transportation stops in its tracks I stay calm. Standing in long lines is not fun, but I recognize that the cashier is probably overwhelmed and so I try to avoid exaggerated huffin n’ puffin or using complaint to bond with others in the line. However, that pretty little view of my patient self comes crashing down once the internet decides to take a break. There is little that makes me grit my teeth in impatience like interacting with Verizon Customer Service.

It’s sad how the inability to access the interwebs can incite me to ungracious thoughts and speech. You won’t catch me yelling or cursing, but my answers are curt, my tone is not warm or understanding, and if eye-rolling could make noise, the poor rep would be deaf. Inevitably they ask whether I have tried simply restarting the computer or modem, which just about makes me want to throw something across the room.

And this ugly, sinful scene plays out because I can’t check my email for the fifth time or read some tweets! Lately I have been challenged to think of the person on the other line. The nature of their job requires them to interact with dozens of customers each day, many of whom are probably as impatient as I am, and likely even more willing to verbalize it. I doubt a week goes by without them having to deal with raised voices, rude tones, cursing, and maybe even racist jabs as many of them are working from overseas call centers.

So the next time I need to make a call (which will be very soon as the internet in my apt is currently down and Steve Jobs hasn’t gifted me with an iphone), I should say a prayer thanking God that He has not dealt with me impatiently and ask for the grace to consider others greater than myself. And that silly Youtube video isn’t going anywhere.

In what areas of your life are you quick to be impatient?
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Extra Baggage

2010-04-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

Tripp Crosby on his baggage-checking skills:

I checked a 65 pound bag yesterday, and this was my conversation with Anthony Jackson, the Delta ticket counter attendant.

AJ: Sir, the limit for you bag is 50 pounds.

ME: Yeah, I know. I’ve thought this through.

MY BRAIN: I can’t believe I was able to pack everything in one bag. I have such an incredible sense of space. I am the man!

AJ: That will be $90 sir.

ME: 90 Dollars? For an extra 15 pounds?

AJ: 50 pounds is the limit.

MY BRAIN: 90 divided by 15 is 6…. that’s $6 per extra pound. I’m pretty fast at math. I am the man!

ME: So what if I had just brought a second bag?

AJ: Um, lets see… [typing stuff] 2 bags is 25 dollars.

ME: So, I can bring two bags totaling 100 lbs. for $25 or one bag that weighs 65 lbs. and pay $90?

AJ: That’s our policy.

MY BRAIN: That’s all the math I’m willing to do to make my point, from now on I’m using a rigid tone. I am the man!

ME: (in a slightly firm tone) What is the explanation for this?

AJ: The weight of your bags costs us in fuel.

ME: hmmmm….

MY BRAIN: Poor guy. He can’t add as good as me. Now I don’t know what to say. Think of something Tripp. Stop feeling sorry for him. Be the man!

To read the rest of the story and to see whether his math held up, click here.
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Overheard

2010-04-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

My vision is poor, but my hearing is sharp.

I don't usually watch those kinds of shows, but winter sports are so bad this year between the Flyers and the Sixers.

- Guy fumbling to explain to some women why he watches Dancing With The Stars

Sir, it's okay. Just own your love of reality dance television.
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Dave Barry "wisdom"

2010-03-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

Just a little mid-week smile

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Smile - Part 2

2010-03-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

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Yesterday's post on smiling was in paragraph form. I used sentences, punctuation, and correct-ish grammatical form. Today's post is in my favorite format - a list! So here is my list of ten things that make me smile, in addition to toothless old men with huge grins.

1. Tone-deaf Christians who are not afraid to sing loudly in church

2. Dogs that are patient enough to allow kids to jump on them and give them tight squeezes

3. Old men in bow-ties

4. Young men in bow-ties

5. When a Mariah Carey song starts playing in a retail establishment and several women start to sing along

6. Gentlemanly behavior on public transportation

7. Truck drivers that are willing to honk their horn for me, even though I am not child, when I do the arm-pumping motion

8. Ordering the five-piece chicken fingers and receiving six

9. Babies in onesies

10. Comments on my blog posts (wink, wink)

What has the power to consistently bring a genuine smile (not smirk) to your face?
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Smile

2010-03-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

There is a older maintenance worker in my building who doesn't have very many teeth left, but each time he sees me he flashes a large, kind, gummy grin. Without fail I always smile back. I know virtually nothing about him, but his warm greetings leave me with a positive impression. In fact, when I spot him from a distance I find myself smiling before our paths even cross, and the smile remains on my face for several moments after our mere three-second interaction is over. He's not this way simply with me, but with most everyone who passes by him.

I want to say that my behavior is much like his when I interact with others. I think of myself as a kind and friendly person and make it a point to greet most everyone on my floor, but honestly, when I spot certain people coming down the hall toward me, I groan inwardly. This is especially true if I have attempted to greet them warmly in the past and they haven't reciprocated in turn. If rebuffed often enough, I just give up smiling or speaking to them. Instead we both do the awkward dance of staring straight ahead and pretending we are the only people in the hallway, kitchen, or elevator. Pathetic, I know.

The thing is, as a Christian, I have much reason to smile, for I know what I have been saved from and what I am saved to. It's okay if people ignore my smile and greeting. It may not feel okay, but it is okay. By God's grace, I have the freedom and the ability, along with the responsibility to be kind to everyone around me, regardless of their response. And since I still have all my teeth, all the more reason to flash my smile!

Fatherly Advice

2010-03-26T06:09:00.000-07:00

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My Father sends me many email forwards that describe the dangers of, well, basically everything. He reminds me (though I have no penchant for soda to begin with) that I shouldn’t drink Coke, as it is potent enough to clean toilet bowls. I received a Powerpoint presentation sternly warning me to not talk on my cell phone while it is charging, complete with a picture of a charred hand from someone who did not obey. Frozen water bottles equal cancer, french fries equal cancer, and heating plastic Tupperware in the microwave equals cancer.

I read them all faithfully, mostly for the laughs, but also because there are usually nuggets of truth and common sense mixed in and I appreciate that he cares for the safety of his children. His latest forward gives me “Nine tips that may save your life.” Tip number seven is my favorite and I share it with you all.

7. If the predator has a gun

and you are not under his control,

ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you (a running target)

4 in 100 times; and even then,

it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.

RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

Remember people, the zig-zagging is of utmost importance, otherwise I can’t guarantee the bullet won’t hit your heart or liver.
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Fortune Cookie Sayings

2010-03-25T04:13:00.000-07:00

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I'm hoping to get fortunes as funny as the ones below the next time I order Chinese.

But my absolutely favorite one

Have you ever gotten a crazy fortune cookie?

I'm of Indian descent, but...

2010-03-24T03:25:00.000-07:00

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I won't cook you curry. I like curry but I go to my Mama's house or the local Indian buffet if I want some. You are free to join me.

I don't speak Indian. FYI - no one does. Indian is not a language.

I am not a doctor or enginerd, nor have I married one...yet.

I cannot explain to you each Hindu belief and custom, mostly because I am not Hindu.

I have not watched Slumdog Millionaire.

What about you? What cultural stereotypes do you defy?
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Working Heartily, As Unto The Lord

2010-03-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

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I am a Christian and I work in an office high-rise. The walls surrounding my desk are beige, the free green tea in the kitchen is disturbingly really green when brewed, the neighbors in my cubicle quadrant are loud, and many years of spreadsheet wizardry in non-ergonomic settings are leading to Quasimodo-esque posture. Some Christians are serving distant nations full time as missionaries, but this mission field of mine is much closer to home: four and a half minutes by subway to be exact.

I've spent many hours wrestling with what it looks like to be a reflection of Christ in my 8'x8' space. It is not a mistake that I am sitting in this cube. Though it often feels like a trial, God is using my eight-to five to sanctify me to the likeness of His Son. When the waves of discontentment arise within me, or the sinful pouting begins, the Lord is often quick to remind me of the Scripture passage below:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24

What has God been teaching you through life in a cubicle (or home office, science lab, film set, etc.)? Which areas of your vocational calling are currently a struggle for you?

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Robert Michael Jack

2010-03-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

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He is keeping us safe from crazy Canadians

I actually love Canadians, at least the ones I am related to.

High Five-ing Etiquette

2010-03-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'll admit to thinking that the windmill was super cool when I was younger. Which high-five method is your favorite?

Courtesy of dontbethatguy films

Watch Out DC!

2010-03-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

During the July Fourth weekend, circa 2008, I had a little "staycation" with my roommates Lindsey and Blessy. It was a great time to explore historical Philadelphia. Armed with our cameras, we set off to be hometown tourists, but not just any regular Joe Shmoe brand of tourists, we set out to be cheesy tourists and we succeeded in our mission.

That was our first Cheesy Tour, and to date, the only cheesy tour we have embarked on. But that changes this weekend as we set off to tour DC together. Since neither L nor B live in Philadelphia any longer, this should be a great time to catch up while we add more guidelines to follow. And this time we'll have better hair.

Our five original guidelines to effective touring:

1. Obey Signs

2. Good tourists only take photographs where allowed.

3/4. Figure out the basic functions of your camera, scout out clean bathrooms, and take pictures of things that really resonate with you..

5. Don't lose your group!

April Hath Put a Spirit of Youth in Everything

2010-03-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

After a historically snowy winter, it looks like spring has arrived. My goal is to enjoy Philly springtime with hearty enthusiasm, especially since it generally only lasts for a few days before the oppressive and very long summer season kicks in. In looking over my posts from last year, I realized I made a list of reasons why I love fall and winter (my favorite time of year) and even managed to come up with 10 things I love about the summer, but have never given props to spring. This post shall remedy that oversight.

Reasons why Spring adds pep to my step:

1. It no longer requires selling a kidney to be able to afford berries.

2. Colleagues no longer bond over cold weather complaints. Instead, they now bond over March Madness trash-talking, which makes for interesting eavesdropping while I sip my morning tea and read the paper.

3. Each spring I am hit with loads of motivation to clean out my closets...and this is the year I will actually do so!

4. To me, ice cream is an all year round treat. However, when I try to convince people to trudge through the snow for a gelato outing, I am consistently overruled. Spring means I can now enjoy frozen goodies with friends.

5. Since all the snow has melted away, people no longer look like my friend below.

What do you appreciate about springtime?

DST Beats Me Up

2010-03-14T18:52:00.000-07:00

Daylight Savings Time wreaks havoc on my sleeping rhythm twice each year. In the fall when we gain an hour, I get so exited about the extra hour of sleep that I can't fall asleep. But man oh man, Spring Forward is like a roundhouse kick to the head. It can mess me up for days!

Richard S. Holmes is no fan of Spring Forward either.

But in the Spring we set the clocks forward, and the trouble begins. We lose
an hour of sleep. Forgetful people miss Mass, planes, breakfast, and the big
game on TV. Annual losses due to DST confusion have been estimated (by me) at over a million dollars. I myself have missed a flight to Washington and a showing of The
Seven Samurai because of DST.

But instead of simply whining about the problem, he proposes reform to the structure of DST.

Therefore, let us keep the fall ritual as it is. However, one Sunday each Spring, let us set our clocks not one hour forward, but TWENTY-THREE HOURS BACKWARD. Think of all the advantages. We will not lose an hour of sleep; we will gain (almost) a day of rest. It will be Saturday all over again. You will never again miss Confession, or an airplane, or the Redskins game.

Read his whole plan by clicking here.

The Aroma

2010-03-13T07:59:00.000-08:00

Baby formula, the one food whose smell going in rivals the smell going out. Wouldn't complain, but we've sent a man to the moon.

- Bryant Gullette

Portraits

2010-03-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

My mom loves a particular picture of my sister and me as young children. It features us wearing matching gray-striped dresses and rocking matching bowl haircuts. It hangs prominently in our family room for all to see and admire (mock?). Though we looked like little boy twins playing girly dress-up, we both still managed to squeak out really genuine looking grins, which is more than I can say for the sibling pair below.

Haircuts worse than mine!

HT: The Pioneer Woman - she has several more great kids' portraits from the good ol' days.

Kindergarten vs. Grad School

2010-03-02T15:10:00.001-08:00

HT: Pure Church

Pep Talk

2010-02-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

The cutest pep talk you'll ever witness.

HT: Church Blog

Quick Thought

2010-02-24T15:38:00.000-08:00

Your religion is what you do with your solitude.
Archbishop William Temple

When your mind is free to go wherever it pleases, what does it run to? Where does it love to dwell? Love God so much that He dominates your solitude.

Thanks Tim Keller for the reminder.

Free Thursday event

2010-02-23T15:45:00.000-08:00

Duross and Langel are hosting a benefit for Alex's Lemonade Stand.

6pm - 7pm

Free Food Friday

2010-02-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

Free Vietnamese hoagie available March 5th.

Click for details

HT: The Insider

Healthy Bites

2010-02-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

Have you been cooped up most of the winter? It can often be hard to find the motivation to get out and about when the wind is fierce enough to knock you over or when the sidewalks resemble an icy tundra. Have no fear, spring is on its way! And it's a great time to try something new, like an affordable cooking class in Philadelphia!

Healthy Bites has several classes coming up soon, from how to wield your knife with ninja-like precision to mastering Mediterranean cuisine.

Maybe you're a guy that plans boring dates - take her to Healthy Bites! Or maybe you are looking to learn cooking techniques that don't require the use of lard, yet still rock the tastebuds - swing by Healthy Bites! Perhaps you like eating - you'll do some of it at Healthy Bites!

So go!

(I was not paid for this blog post...but maybe I should be...with a free cooking class!)

If you are lazy and/or have expendable income, they also do meal delivery.

Chicago in Philadelphia

2010-02-16T15:52:00.000-08:00

Deep dish pizza in Philadelphia. Thank You, Mr. Garces.

It's That Time of Year

2010-02-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

Each year I try to attend the two local conferences listed below. The messages are consistently convicting and encouraging.

1. The Urban Ministry Conference: March 5th - 7th
(It's about sex)

2. PCRT 2010 : April 30 - May 2
This conference is so chock full of sermons that I almost always feel the need to crawl under the pew by Saturday afternoon for a nap. It's where I first heard D.A. Carson speak and it inspired my fourth blog post back in '07.

So if you are in or around the Philly area, check them out.

Thursday Quote - from President #16

2010-02-11T15:19:00.000-08:00

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln

Belated Wednesday Quote

2010-02-11T08:37:00.000-08:00

In honor of the upcoming holiday

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Advice from the best source

He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:22

FYI, find is a verb, so get crackin.

Tuesday quote(s)

2010-02-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

When I struggle with a distracted and discontent mind and heart, I will try to remember these words from John Bunyan:

If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a glass slipper on a gouty foot.

Wisdom for graduating students, courtesy of Stephen Colbert

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

Monday quote

2010-02-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Snow skies have been hovering over Philadelphia. Inch after inch, foot after foot of the white stuff has been blanketing us. So in honor of one of our snowiest winters ever:

There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. ~ Clyde Moore

Sunday Quote

2010-02-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

This shall be a week of quotes. Why not share any of my own words?

“I quote because other people say things better than I do.” Mark Dever

And so to start you off, words from D.A. Carson:

"The Christian's whole desire, at its best and highest, is that Jesus Christ be praised. It is always a wretched bastardization of our goals when we want to win glory for ourselves instead of for him."

HT to J. Leone for the Dever quote

Pro Choice Feminist on Upcoming Tebow Superbowl AD

2010-02-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

"You know what we really need more of? Famous guys who aren't embarrassed to practice sexual restraint, and to say it out loud. If we had more of those, women might have fewer abortions."

"I'm pro-choice, and Tebow clearly is not. But based on what I've heard in the past week, I'll take his side against the group-think, elitism and condescension of the "National Organization of Fewer and Fewer Women All The Time."

"Apparently NOW feels this commercial is an inappropriate message for America to see for 30 seconds, but women in bikinis selling beer is the right one."

Full article by Sally Jenkins

C.U.I

2010-01-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

You shouldn't drive under the influence. Neither should you climb under the influence.

Silly Squirrel

5 second rule?

2010-01-26T15:59:00.001-08:00

HT: Meal Ticket

Discerning Advertising

2009-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

"Any time you see sex added to a product that is not inherently sexual, you are being told by the company that makes the product that their product is not special or unique in any way."

- Mark Barnett of Ditchwalk

HT: Eric Barker

Aggressively sexual advertising is not new. You can't walk in a mall, turn on the TV, or flip through a magazine without being bombarded by inappropriate speech or images. Though saddening, it's not surprising. If an advertiser is not a Christian, I shouldn't expect to see wholesome messages come across in their media.

However, it has always struck me as incredibly uncreative and lazy to simply rely on the same-old sexual antics to sell your product. What does that really say about your product or your opinion of the intelligence level of your targeted audience?

Consider this

2009-12-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas has passed and within a few days, the new year will begin. Perhaps this would be a good time to reflect on 2009 and ask yourself some questions.

What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

These were provided by Donald Whitney and he has several others that are good fodder for meditation and conversation. I would suggest thinking with pen in hand.

HT: Justin Taylor

On the 1st day of Christmas Break

2009-12-24T17:44:00.000-08:00

Our lunch conversation included a spirited discussion on the handsomeness of George Clooney, with my mom insisting her father was much better looking when he was a young man.

Immanuel

2009-12-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

God with us. But why did Jesus come?

"It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.

Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life.

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

1 Timothy 1:15-17

Merry Christmas Friends

From Augustine

2009-12-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

"He was created of a mother whom He created. He was carried by hands that He formed. He cried in the manger in wordless infancy, He the Word, without whom all human eloquence is mute."

Advice

2009-12-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

Save your money. Go get your bathrobe and wear it backwards. Instant (and free) Snuggie!

What is on your list?

2009-12-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

Snow is falling here in Philadelphia. More importantly, it is actually sticking! This of course meant that people flooded to the stores yesterday, buying enough supplies to survive major nuclear warfare. Sometimes I just want to tap one of these shoppers on the shoulder and remind them that the snow will take two days max to melt away and that four loaves of bread may be overkill for their 2 kids and one cat.

I am not mocking a reasonable re-stock of goods, as I did that myself last night. But please, don't buy enough groceries for the neighborhood, especially when we both know you don't cook and will be ordering take-out from the nearest Chinese joint (for neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these courageous dumpling delivery-men from the swift completion of their appointed rounds).

So what do you usually buy before a storm hits? I'll admit an impending snowstorm always causes me to rush out and buy ice cream and milk for hot chocolate. It's important for me to fight the war on osteoporosis, even in bad weather.

Helpful Suggestions for Husbands

2009-12-17T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hey Kids, Guess What?!

2009-12-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

Thanks Zazzle!

Cuter than Jason Mraz

2009-12-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

Looks like he had a boogie bothering him

A Letter

2009-12-03T18:04:00.001-08:00

Dear Mr. Delivery Guy,

Please bring my food all the way to the door. I will not come out into the street to your vehicle, especially because I am probably in my pajamas and don't have shoes on. I know it's a little cold, but I tip well.

Thank you for making my stomach smile.

Sincerely,
Susan

Is He Good?

2009-12-03T05:50:00.001-08:00

Do you believe God is good? As you go through your day, as you encounter trials, as you relate to those around you, do you firmly believe God is being good to you? It’s quite easy for me to believe in God’s sovereignty, power, omniscience, and yet I can often struggle with doubts of whether He is being good or kind to me in various situations.

Patrick Knaack, the Gospel Resource Network Director at World Harvest Mission, discusses this in one of his entries for the devotional My Luggage Is Not Heavy. He reminds us of the incident in Mark 1 in which a leprous man said to Jesus, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Patrick writes, “Did you catch what the man said? Just like me, the leper isn’t questioning Jesus’ abilities. He’s wondering about Jesus’ goodness.”

My heart often wrestles in a similar manner. I have no doubt God is capable of healing a sick friend, of pouring rain down on the relational-desert (Sahara-sized!) I’ve been wandering, or of providing employment to the many who experienced a lay-off over the past year.

In this specific situation, Jesus does heal the man. Mark writes that Jesus was “filled with compassion,” that he “touched the man”, and cured him in that very instant. What a wonderful resolution to the story…but maybe a small part of you responds like Patrick’s heart, “Yes, but he got what he wanted didn’t he? He was healed and restored. But Jesus hasn’t really fixed the issues in my life that need fixing and until He does, I’m having a hard time trusting Him.” Sadly, that is often my line of thinking. My jealous heart often despairs that His goodness seems reserved only for others.

So what is the appropriate way to combat the doubt or sinful self-pity? Patrick reminds us to hold fast to this truth, “God’s lavish goodness has already been poured out on me through Christ’s work on the cross.” If you are adopted by God into His family, you have had abundant (undeserved!) mercy and grace given to you. And our Father is kind in showing us that goodness each day, whether you are hired or fired, regardless of the results of the CAT scan, even if you remain dateless for another twenty-six years.

Snuggles!

2009-11-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

I am not afraid to admit that I want a Snuggie. A blanket with sleeves! However, the design modification below slightly disturbs me.

Does this remind anyone else of a scary scene from a movie? I can't seem to remember which one.

Buyer Beware

2009-11-27T11:31:00.000-08:00

Forget Best Buy or Walmart, the stores you want to avoid on Black Friday are the ones that cater to children. Moms shopping are scary even on normal days. Moms shopping during a sale are very scary! Since reliable, free babysitters are hard to come by, they all have their children with them. Moms shopping during a sale that have to simultaneously watch their (understandably) agitated children are incredibly scary, and dangerous!

My parents know this, which is why they sent my sister and me out today to buy gifts for the little ones in the family. In one clothing store the purchasing line wrapped all the way around the perimeter. In this line I stood, trying to hold on to my sanity. I hummed along to the Christmas music and remembered to flex my knees periodically.

Here are a few things that will help holiday shopping go smoother:

1. Pray beforehand for the grace to not get angry. Proverbs says it is a fool that is quick to quarrel. Don't be a fool.

2. Be kind to retail staff. They are on their feet all day dealing with stressed shoppers. Flash them a smile and ask them how their day is going. Do not pick a fight.

3. Offer to babysit for a single mom so she can get holiday errands taken care of in an efficient manner.

Are You in Good Hands?

2009-11-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

At Bible Study a few weeks ago, a missionary with World Harvest Mission came and spoke about the organization’s vision and ways we could partner alongside of them. Each attendee was given a copy of My Luggage Is Not Heavy, a small book of daily devotions pulled from the prayer letters and blogs of the missionaries. The following is pulled from an entry by Annelise Pierce, serving the Lord in Uganda.

“Have you ever noticed how many layers of security lie between many Americans and trouble? We have home insurance, health insurance, car insurance, life insurance…Insurance for our mistakes, others’ mistakes, and catastrophes. And one of the first things we learn about what it means to be a responsible adult is that we start paying into the funds that provide security for us and loved ones: 401Ks, mortgages, college funds, disability, Social Security, long-term care.

I contrasted our sources of security to the Babwisis’, summed up in a word – relationships.”

She goes on to explain how extended family, friends, and neighbors pull together to help those in need in a place where insurance doesn’t even exist. This is not to say that a savings account is evil or that you should immediately stop contributing to a 401k, but where does you sense of security lie? I am grateful for savings and insurance (though I feel like I need a complex algorithm to choose an appropriate plan) but if I base my comfort in those things, I am bound to be shaken up. There is only One who is steadfast and my security should lie in the truth that God’s grip is sure.

Did You Know?

2009-11-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2008 American Community Survey has Philly at the very top for percentage of commuters that bike to work.

I do not help bump that percentage up. Septa and walking are my commuting methods of choice. However, I am fascinated by bike culture. Perhaps it is because I never learned to ride one, though I owned two. Or maybe it's because guys in the city on their bikes are attractive, in that "we wear skinny jeans, don't wash our hair for a week, and snidely look down on your musical preferences" kind of way.

How do you get to work? Are you intimidated to ride in a city environment?

HT: My morning paper

Media's Use of Cuddly Creatures

2009-11-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

Al Gore is a sharp man. His film, An Inconvenient Truth, wouldn’t have achieved as much popular acclaim were it not for the use of the polar bear to garner our sympathy. It's probably his smartest move ever, with inventing the internet being a close second. Even I felt my heart go out for the poor creature as it swam in the vast ocean with no ice chunk for it to lay its weary head upon. It didn’t make me rush out and install solar panels on my roof, but my heartstrings were tugged.

How did those large white bears manage to grab our affection? I’m pretty sure if I was wandering around some arctic environment and came across a Momma polar bear, she would not share a Coke with me. In fact she would probably share me with her cubs. And yet, every time I watch those silly soda commercials, I want to run out and talk to an illegal animal trader about securing a polar bear cub for my very own. And I would name it Snowball or Snowflake or Snowshoe and we would sip caffeinated beverages together and sled down gently sloped hills.

The next time you feel yourself being manipulated by media featuring those furry creatures, remember the following:

1. If given the chance, they will rip you to shreds and eat you for dinner

2. In reality, their fur isn’t usually sparkly clean and white, but pretty grungy looking

3. They don’t drink Coke. They will drink your blood

Just repeat the above three points to yourself, and hopefully your sanity will return.

BLT, FSA, COO

2009-11-12T09:14:00.000-08:00

What is with corporate America’s love of acronyms and odd business-speak? I suppose some person thought they were being highly efficient by slicing phrases and titles down to just a few letters, thus making the best use of the precious resource of time, but is time truly being saved if I have to spend a significant part of my day consulting the cheat-sheets that surround my workspace just to decipher a memo?

Additionally, is the strength, clarity, and quality of what we are trying to communicate becoming watered down? Telling me the “RMT prepped the USET before the GLTM” calls to mind extra-terrestrial activity, which is probably not the point you are trying to get across.

I’m not foolish enough to believe this issue will ever disappear completely, and to be honest, a small part of me enjoys it, especially when I ask a person to explain an acronym they are throwing around and they sheepishly tell me that they themselves are unsure of the meaning. I appreciate those comedy breaks.

But because I care about you, my fellow Americans, here are a few steps I will be sure to enforce once I come into leadership.

1. Jargon will be standardized across industries. ML can no longer be used as Market Leader at one firm, Managing Leader at another, and Mystery Lunch at a third.

2. Guides will be given to all new employees and HR will discuss them thoroughly. If adequately compensated, I am willing to pull these guides together and go on a national speaking tour explaining them. Again, this is because I care.

3. Every CEO will be called The Big Kahuna.

4. If an employee uses terms that they are unable to explain, they are required to buy lunch for the grieved party. If it happens a second-time, their paycheck will be docked. On the third strike, Chuck Norris will hit verbally-unruly employee with a roundhouse kick.